Last fun day

Last day of 4-day vacation!! Boo.

Updating my Sims game and I'll play that for a while. Not a sign I'm missing work: making Sims characters from my co-workers. Not creepy either, right?

Remember for later: drippy, Tippy.

To do today:

- plan Xmas vacation

- get Bella her own bean bag?

- get double papasan on sale

- round of clothes washing

My shopping weaknesses

1. Things that appeal to my domestic fantasy of having a beautiful array of family and friends who can't get enough of my hostessing. Therefore:
1. Pier 1
2. Home Goods
3. Pottery Barn, Crate & Barrel, Z Gallerie, etc.
4. Cookbooks. Pretty much haven't met a cookbook I don't like. Oh yeah, there are cookbooks I don't like (as much) -- those without pictures. 
2. Zinio magazines. The best invention in the world is digital magazines and take up no physical room, and that you can enlarge while reading by pinching and zooming. So fucking awesome.

Wat

In the bathroom at work and my ass is exploding.... And someone just walked in with their kid who is "singing" along to the rap playing on the iPod. Fun times.

Things to do today:

• Oversee tile cleaning guy -- DONE
• Take Leila to the vet for followup rattlesnake vaccine -- DONE
• Shower -- DONE
• Put dishes in dishwasher -- DONE
• Sweep the house
• Play Hearthstone
• Bring out Christmas decorations and plan what else we need
• Go to Target with hubby
• Go to Lowes with hubby, look for board to make a mantel (measure fireplace front)
• Cook fun stuff
• Go to the store

Women

Thoughts after today's networking event:
* Why doesn't Rachelle's boss read the book?
* How soon can I read the book?
* Does not having on-site child care really prevent women from wanting to conceive?
* Do women feel like we have to choose between having children or having a career?
* Is motherhood the epitome of being a woman?
* Noticing women who don't have children showing obvious admiration for those who do during this event, why is that? Is that aspirational? Admiring women who "have it all"?
* What does it mean when a woman can't or doesn't want to have children? Are we less of a woman? I know the knee-jerk answer is "of course not," but other women aren't sitting around admiring US.
* As long as we're spending a lot of time talking about how our company supports pregnancy or maternity leave or working moms, what about our attitudes towards having children?
* Can we pre-schedule conversations about babies and motherhood so that I can avoid them if I'm feeling emotional that day?
* How can I speak up about my own concerns about infertility without making moms and moms-to-be feel bad?
* Why do I feel so bad when the women at work are always talking about their babies?
* Why should people be allowed to work from home just because they're parents? To be fair, everyone should be allowed to work from home the same amount of time as anyone else.

We talked about:
* brief introductions
* how much maternity leave our company/state offers
* how Orange County moms mostly stay home and don't work, according to local child care places
* the cost of child care in Irvine vs Mission Viejo
* how crappy our "quiet room" is
* how someone took initiative to improve the amenities in the women's bathroom
* how some women are used to a very private bathroom
* how feminine products are free in the bathroom
* on-site child care support, how to let our CEO know that there is a demand
* the book, Lean In, and how everyone should read it
* the composition of the group -- several men included, we can't exclude anyone
* HR afraid of belonging to the mailing list?
* whether you can share a breast pump
* why our company only buys a female employee mom a manual $20 breast pump when they spend TONS of money on champagne and other frivolities
* needing to prove your "(gamer) cred" when going to an electronics store or calling tech support

Shitty weekend

So yesterday the hubby was making soda with Soda Stream. He miscalculated something and spilled grape soda all over the floor. He said something to me like, whoops, kind of laughing. I laughed at first, then noticed the giant pile of grape soda going on our new laminate floor. Why don't you move this over the sink?? I said. And he flipped out. Just got really really angry. I was still kind of laughing and that made him even madder. He ended up flipping me off hard, and snapping my face with a towel. I was like, hitting me is unacceptable. He goes, "fuck off, you piece of shit." With that, I turned around and went to the master bedroom to cry. 

Then after about 20 minutes, I went to the kitchen and cooked a steak dinner. I served him a plate and we silently watched Game of Thrones. Then when it was done he reached for his laptop and resumed his video game. After about ten minutes of Wife Swap, I got bored and sad and went to bed.

Thinking it through... All weekend, a typical weekend, was full of not-so-thinly veiled criticisms of me. My hair is lame and I should straighten it. My forehead is giant so I should use sunscreen on it. I'm a prude because I joked that a honeymooner's mattress comment was TMI. I cooked the wrong kind of rice with my homemade Mexican taco dinner. And now, after just one time of me criticizing his ACTIONS (not his personality or self), he tells me I'm a piece of shit. Just feel really beaten up. Why is the one person I love most in the world the one who heaps on the most criticism? If he's trying to make me strong, it does, but in a bad way -- it makes my heart just a little bit harder towards him just a little every time. If he could balance it out with loving compliments, maybe it would be easier to take, but he rarely if ever hands those out.

 I feel quite depressed, then angry, then heartsick, then depressed again. I have to try not to cry today.

New domain

Saw a typo online (reddit) and had to immediately buy a domain name for it. FirstWordNation. Catchy, right? Maybe the name of my publishing empire.

Delicious

Friend:
omg the quesadilla
is very good

Me:
what quesadilla
downstairs?

Friend:
yep

Me:
what kind is it

Friend:
delicious
chicken with some sauce, not sure
something something

RHOA

god I love NeNe

Ear junk

Ow my ear hurts! Just had it cleaned by the ear dr. She suctioned a bunch of drainage and dry debris out. She sad there is a mild infection and harder wax on the eardrum that needs softening before it can be removed. She was like a dentist when she started to ask a question just before she'd start suctioning, so I couldn't hear it. She asked about my surgeries and what type of hearing problem it was. I can tell you it's not Maybelline, because I was born with it. But I am embarrassed to say I'm ignorant of many details.

Why isn't this prescription ready yet? I am gonna have problems finding a parking spot this late :((

Aftermath

It takes energy to cheer someone up. It takes sheer willpower to do it when they are spinning stuff you say as criticism. It takes energy to siphon off some positive vibes from self and spread it mentally all over that person. I must do it though because I love him. I want him to be happy because when he's happy, I'm happy.