This morning she shuffled into the dining room and we said good morning. "Can we talk?" she asked, holding a hotebook. I told her I didn't have much time since I had to get ready for work, but let's sit down and discuss quickly. I gave her a banana shake and a buttered cinnamon bagel. Then sat down and braced myself.
"First of all, I'm sorry that things went badly last night." Awesome. Another half-assed apology. Not, "I'm sorry for all the things I've done to hurt you," or "I'm sorry for walking out on our discussion," or whatever. Sigh. I didn't say anything.
"I'm going to need boxes for the move. Like the little white boxes I had moving in here?" Pause.
"OK, what's next."
"I need stamps."
"OK, what's next."
"I need to call Mimi so I can ask her if I can live with her."
"Any phone calls will need to go through us. We'll talk about this one. What's next."
"I'd like for you to give me some cash."
"For what?"
"I want you to give me $100 cash."
"What for?"
"Just to have."
"For what?"
No answer.
"I wanted to tell you more about the social worker. When he came, he asked a bunch of questions. He kept asking and asking. So finally I blurted out that I didn't have any money. He said that everyone deserves to have some money, to have a checkbook."
"Why didn't you tell me this before?"
"He said he would tell you and I didn't want to make you upset. He said he would tell you smoothly."
So I explained how her lying to us actually made us more upset, and also destroyed our trust in her. I said she's going to need to earn our trust back, by telling us the truth about everything, and by our supervision of all phone calls and mail, incoming or outgoing. I explained how after everything we've done for her, for her to turn around and complain to Tina and Tommy has destroyed their trust in us, and our trust in her. I said it's caused all sorts of problems that were really unnecessary.
I said, do you know what this means: "You're prone to paranoia." She responded, "Oh yes, I am prone to paranoia." Right. So that means you can become paranoid that people are hurting you when they're not. We're not hurting you. We're helping you. The reason you're living here is because we're helping you. The reason we are monitoring your finances is because we're helping you. You're making poor financial choices. I assure you, we're not doing anything funny or wrong with your money.
"But I was looking at the ledger that you made me, and I didn't understand it, because I should have $9,000."
"You did not have $9,000 in any one bank account. If you are adding up your stocks and your checking account, it's possible that you had $9,000 at one time, but your checking account balance is more like $2,000 or $3,000. And by the way, this is why we're helping you. Your illness not only makes you paranoid, but it also confuses your brain. You get things mixed up."
(something about the will)
"You know what? We did not change the will. Remember we worked on your will, as well as the power of attorney and health care documents, about 6 months ago, and they're all in that brown binder, remember? Well, we haven't changed that since then. It's the same. What we did a couple weeks ago was GO TO THE BANK. You added us to your checking and savings accounts at the bank. It had nothing to do with your will. But we're on your bank accounts so that we can protect you and keep your money safe."
"Oh."
"You know, it really hurts our feelings when we take care of you and then you say awful things about us behind our back."
"I'm sorry, I really am" (and yet somehow when she says this, it comes across as really defensive)
"There's one more thing. When you serve dinner so late, it really messes me up. I really need to eat dinner earlier."
"No problem there. Feel free to have a TV dinner whenever you want dinner." (sort of hurt there because I come home from working late because of HER, since I changed my work schedule to accommodate helping HER on Friday afternoons, and I come home and cook a home-cooked meal for her and the hubby. but you know what? hubby and I can certainly enjoy our dinners without her.)
I told her I had to get ready for work.
I skipped showering so I could get to work on time.
