I'd like to start doing more healthy physical activity during my time not at work, but not anything strenuous enough to aggravate the problem. So today I did a yoga DVD for abs. There were some poses, like being on my back, raising my head and shoulders as well as my legs off the floor, that were pretty challenging, but overall it felt great to breathe deep and slide through slow-motion crunches and stretches of various kinds. Then I went for a walk (I started out with a super-slow jog and tapered down to a decent-paced walk) along with a plastic grocery bag and rubber glove to pick up trash on the curb along the way to the park a few blocks away. Put on music and kicked off my sorely neglected Nike GPS app (though my cumulative total on the app is now over 93 miles) and kept time with the shuffling music. Even a Christmas song.
So why now is my mind racing with negative thoughts? Today's spiral was triggered by a conversation with a co-worker (I'll call him Joe) about another co-worker's budding romance. Joe insisted that it was great that they were dating, and even if it ends up badly, at least he tried, so better to have loved and lost and all that jazz. I kept insisting that the choice was a bad one, and I had serious doubts about her sincerity and intentions -- based entirely on her public Facebook posts, of course (as well as what she wasn't posting -- i.e., no change in her relationship status). The rumors are flying at work that they'll be moving in together, so if they're really that serious, why wouldn't she be proudly flaunting her love for him as much as her flirty dates with other guys? Why wouldn't she be officially "in a relationship" unless she wanted to keep her options open? But I admit I don't have any firsthand information from either of the lovebirds, only reasons to be cynical, bitter, and critical. It's almost as if it doesn't even matter to my crazy brain what's really happening with them, or how much they might just be enjoying each other's company and not paying much attention to their Facebooks. What do I even care?
I'm also jealous of people at work who seem to want to make sure everyone knows how much fun they are having with their officemates, and exude cheer and humor wherever they go (and yes, they post in-jokes on Facebooks along with goofy pictures and caption it with flirty banter between them). The office I'm in may have its moments with jokes here and there, but the overall mood is doom and gloom and a heavy oppressive mantle of too much work to handle. Stress to take it all on. Being driven to work many many hours of overtime. The completion of one project merely lays down a bridge to the next mountain to climb. I'm actually scheduled to move to the office next door... and I actually can't wait because I feel more opportunity for the new office's mood to be at a sane level. My depression certainly won't be helped by a room full of stress monkeys. Please gods, let the new office not be full of stress monkeys.
They say the more time you spend on Facebook, the more depressed you'll be. This is probably why I haven't posted a status update in, oh, about 3 weeks. What would I say on there?
- Just finished crying my eyes out. What should I wash my face with?
- Wow, lack of exercise isn't eradicating my belly flab like I thought it would. Who's up for ice cream?
- I just realized that my back pain feels like I'm carrying a cross around just like Jesus did. Except for him it was like for a day or something, but for me it's like every day.
- Okay everybody, true confession: I've been depressed for months. I don't have any REAL friends (other than my husband), so I'm pretty sure that none of you will care about this news anyway. So suck it!
- Hmm, what would it be like if I just drove off the road right here? Who would come to my funeral? Nah, maybe not today... I don't want to damage my car.
No comments:
Post a Comment